Forever
by Lazerwolf314
Summary: A small series of messages from Emily to each member of the team and is set 8 months after the Doyle incident. Something is threatning their lost member. Will they accept what she's done and help, or be unable to forgive her?
1. Derek Morgan

**This is my first venture into pure Criminal Minds FF, but I must mention that the show is amazing! Please let me know what you think. (They are short, but what I think Emily would say.)**

**A/N: These are just a small collection of "messages" Emily sends the team while in Europe. I plan on having one message for each member. Originally it was just the messages, but after rereading this, it really felt... bland. So the entire thing will be revamped and will include the team getting their notes. Also, may include hints for a new story arc I'm working on. :D **

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><p><em>Morgan,<em>

_I think I owe you one of the biggest apologies. You knew something was happening but instead of letting you in, I blocked you out. I thought it would be the safest for everyone. I just couldn't imagine losing any of you. But it just made things so much worse didn't it? I am so sorry._

_You were my partner and I should've trusted you implicitly. But Doyle is something none of you have ever dealt with before. I would've been fine; no even glad to do anything to protect you guys. You are my family. So I just shut down._

_Your strength and courage is incredibly admirable. I wish I had the same. Maybe things might've turned out differently if I had. I like to believe so. I know that I've destroyed probably all the trust you've had for me, but I needed to be able to tell you this. At least before something else happens. _

_I know you might never forgive me and I completely understand. I just had to tell you that I'm sorry. Don't stay mad at Hotch and JJ forever. They went through their own form of hell making sure Emily Prentiss was dead. Somewhere in you, I hope there's something that will forgive them. Hate me if you want (which I rightfully earned) but don't turn on them._

_When you found me that night, I was ready to die. To make sure that Doyle would stay away for good. But all I remembered was your voice slamming through the haze. You made me fight and kept me alive. For that I can never repay you. I miss you so much. Your jokes and innuendoes and everything that you did to make the team laugh. Stay strong and be who you are; if not for yourself then for Reid and Garcia. They need some like you to lean on. I know I don't deserve any favours, but please stay together. All of you. Love you._

_~Emily._

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><p>He hadn't believed it. In fact, he had refused to believe it was true when JJ had announced that Emily was still alive. There was no way. His minds simply refused to wrap around it. She wouldn't have left them like that. They would've protected her. There was no way Prentiss would've done somethings so brash.<p>

But as he had stared down at the small, folded peice of paper in his hands, a sickening feeling had entered his gut. Around him, the rest of the team were still going through various degrees of shock, all but JJ and Hotch. Morgan still couldn't look at their team leader.

Slowly, and with shaking hands, he had unfolded the note, reading it siltently to himself. He kept his head bowed, not willing to let the others see the pain that had flashed across his eyes. It was so Emily to still be looking out for them. A soft sigh escaped his lips and he had to force the tears down.

"I'm sorry Morgan." He heard JJ whisper from above him. He refused to look up. Even if Emily had asked to forgive her and Hotch, he couldn't do it yet. In fact, there was no way in hell he would forgive Prentiss anytime soon. He felt the anger begin to rise through the pain and saddness and he ground his teeth.

How in the hell had she just packed up and left? Didn't she know how much damage it would've done? He felt like punching something or someone and his hands clenched unconsciously into fist, crumpling his note. Intantly, something peirced the anger and he quickly flattened it onto the table, unwilling to destroy the only piece of her he had left. Something occured to him then.

"JJ, why are you showing us these now?"

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><p><strong>Yes, Morgan's reaction was a bit... unsteady. But take into fact Emily has pretty much returned from the dead even though she isn't actually featured. So, thanks for reading. :D<strong>


	2. Spencer Reid

**Hello again. Um, all I can say, I guess, is that I now have an idea for a story arc that'll spin off of this, but I would really appreicate all the comments that you have. Yeah. That's about it. So, I hereby give you the next letter.**

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><p><em>Reid,<em>

_I am so incredibly sorry for leaving like I did. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't give to have been able to stay just how terrible I feel; at the very least give you the goodbye you truly deserved. It sickens me knowing how my departure would have affected everyone, especially you. I know that apologies can never fix what I've done._

_You must know that I didn't want to go. When I woke up, I had already been transferred away to a secure location and JJ had gotten my death certificate signed. My only regret was that I never tried to contact you and the team before now. The way it was explained to me, my "death" seemed like the best way to keep everyone safe. Even though leaving you felt worse than being stabbed._

_Don't let what I did destroy you. You have to be who you are; you are unique and amazing in your own way. I couldn't bear it if I knew that I had changed that. I really hope your headaches have been getting better. It was awful knowing I was the only one who knew. Hey, maybe they were from stress. God knows how much stress I've caused… I just hope they've gotten better. It hurt me to watch you in pain._

_You know what one of the things I miss about you the most is? How you understood my nerdiness and doing simple things like watching Solaris in Russian. You're the only one who would think of me when it came to something so out of… I don't know. It's all those little things, like Indian food and your constant knowledge of (sometimes useless) facts, that make me so incredibly sad when I wake up and remember where I am._

_I know you very likely hate me and it makes me sick with the knowledge I could've prevent so much pain. You have no idea how much I regret some of the choices I made. Maybe one day I will be able to right some wrongs. I guess it all depends on how things turn out. Hopefully one day I will be able to give you the true apology that you should have gotten. Love you._

_~Emily_

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><p>The first thing Reid had felt when JJ had explained everything was pure shock. He completely froze, nearly unable to breathe. It had been unconceivable that Emily would have ever done what she had. But even now, as he stared down at the paper in his hands, something started to seep through the numbness. He felt his mind slowly going colder as he opened it and began to read.<p>

As he finished, a drop of moisture dripped onto the perfectly scrawled writing that was so familiar to him. He jumped, looking around for the source. It took his brain a second to realize that he was crying. Swiping a hand across his face, he glanced around to make sure he hadn't been seen. The team had already watched him crumble before; he wasn't going to let it happen again. Everyone seemed to be absorbed in the letters clutched in their laps.

JJ's voice suddenly struck his ears and he flinched slightly. He couldn't help it; it was mostly instinctive. He was still reeling from learning she had known Emily had been alive all this time. And that Hotch had watched them fall apart these past months with that same knowledge. Anger was warring within him against the deeply ingrained pain that had slowly rooted itself within him since Emily died… left.

Refolding the letter, Reid stared down at his name written on the cover. Spencer was written in her careless scrawl, standing out against its white background. Tracing the letters lightly with his index finger, he let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. It caught in his throat and hitched into a sob, but he quickly masked it. Swiping the back of his hand under his eyes, he wiped away as much of the tears as he could.

"JJ, why are you showing us these now?" Morgan asked, pulling Spencer back into reality. There was a magnitude of hostility lacing his voice and all Reid could discern from the look in his friends eyes was anger. A sudden rush of harshness hit him.

"Yes JJ, why did you suddenly decide to reveal that… she's still alive?" Reid demanded, hard accusation racing through his tone. He met her eyes squarely when she turned to him and was vaguely surprised when she flinched at his look. But he refused to look away.

"Uh… something happened." JJ trailed off, unsure of how to tell them. She looked at Hotch for support. He saw her silent plea for help and stood. Eyes shifted to watch him and he felt a sharp stab of grief at the pain and rage he noticed in them.

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><p><strong>So, thanks for reading. Love you lots if you review :)<strong>


	3. Penelope Garcia

**I give you the next letter of the bunch. Thank you so much if you reviewed, alerted or faved this fic. It means so much to me. :) **

**Disclaimer: (A little late, I know...) Sadly, I own nothing of Criminal Minds. Not that I would mind if anyone would offer it :D**

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><p><em>Garcia,<em>

_Hello my wonderful goddess of all things knowable and unknowable. God, you have no idea how much I've missed you. Do you know just how much simply seeing you every day would affect me? It could turn me from the worse mood to happiness. There is simply something about you that will always pull a smile to my face and make me feel better. _

_There is so much about that I love about you and I feel sick about how I left. You know the voicemail you left me? Every day when I was in the hospital, I would replay it over and over just so I could have something to hold onto. You kept me sane, even without being there Penelope._

_There is something about you that is truly awe inspiring. You wear your entire soul out for the world to see and it takes someone amazingly brave to be able to do that. I even envied you for that. Do you believe it? I wish I even had an ounce of that bravery. _

_Don't cry for me Garcia. I chose my path and there's nothing I can do to change it, no matter how much I would want to. Promise me one thing. That you will never become dull and boring, you will never lose all the good parts of you and that you stay together. Just promise me that and I'll try to keep fighting._

_I'm so sorry I lied. About everything. And I know I probably will never be forgiven and I accept that. Just, please, don't take out your anger on Hotch and JJ. It may have been their idea for me to… disappear, but I could've said no. I could've fought harder and trusted you. I should have trusted my family. And I'm scared I destroyed that. _

_Penelope, I love and miss you so much. It hurts to think of what I've done. I hope one day you will understand why I did what I did._

_~Emily._

Tears were flowing from her eyes, but Garcia could make no move to stop them. Silent sobs were wracking her chest, making her shake uncontrollably. The letter in her hands blurred out of focus again as a fresh wave of grief struck her. When JJ had first dropped the bomb on them, Garcia swore she had literally felt the air be sucked out of the room. She had been unable to breathe, to comprehend that her best friend had had a part in tearing her family apart. What was even more shocking was that Hotch had known as well. All these months, he had simply watched them fall apart with the knowledge of Emily's survival. And Penelope hated him for it.

In the far recess of her brain, she heard the voices Morgan and Reid but, in befuddled state, couldn't decipher them. By the time she fully re-emerged into reality, JJ was speaking.

"Uh… something happened." She said. There was nerves etched in her voice and face and Garcia vaguely wondered what was happening. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hotch stand and swivelled her chair to face him. There was only one thing that was keeping her from losing it at the moment and it was the horrified numbness that had taken over her body.

"What. Happened?" Morgan ground out.

Hotch sighed, weariness filling his features. "A few days ago, Interpol lost contact with Emily. At the same time, they got word that Doyle knew she was alive and gotten hold of information on one of her alias'. They've been trying to find her, but she's completely fallen off the radar. We gave you the letters because one of her demands was that you knew what had happened if things ever became uncertain."

His announcement was met with choking silence.


	4. David Rossi

**Comments are always welcome and appreciated. Here is the next letter and I plan on having only one more before finishing them off. It's been fun.**

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><p><em>Rossi,<em>

_You have no idea how much I have missed your quiet strength and acceptance. The lack of it has created a dark space in the back of my mind, because I know I can no longer confide in you. That I might never have that chance again chills me._

_I know I don't have to say a big apology to you like the others, but I feel you deserve this. We may not have known each other for as long as the rest of the team, but I must tell you that I trusted you greatly. In fact, I still do, even though I know that it may not be reciprocated. For that very reason, I am so deeply sorry and I wish I had actually proved what I'm saying._

_After the events with Matthew, I must admit that my faith in the team was shaken. It hurts me to say this, but their lack of faith back then may have been another reason I couldn't tell them what was happening with Doyle when I had the chance. You were the only one believed and supported me through the ordeal and for that, I am forever grateful._

_Please try to help the rest of the team stay together. They need each other and I know you'll be able to show them sense if something were to happen. Love you._

_~Emily._

Although he wouldn't admit it, Rossi wasn't as surprised as anyone would expect him to be. He had felt something was off, ever since JJ had pulled Hotch away at the hospital. There had been so many tiny details that the two had let slip over the months, he was honestly quite stunned that the others hadn't seen it. But grief did strange things to people.

Turning the letter over in his hands again, he looked around the conference room and gauged the reactions of every team member. Morgan was angry, Reid looked stunned and lost, Garcia was simply distraught and Hotch had gone very still beside him. Sure, Rossi himself felt some rage, but it wasn't directed at Emily. No, the darkness that shimmered in his system was aimed purely and Hotch and JJ for allowing this to go on; for them to watch the others fall apart.

Leaning back in his seat, he watched silently as the letters were slowly finished and primary reactions had been gone through. He wasn't the least surprised that Morgan spoke first.

"JJ, why are you showing us these now?"

What did surprise him was that Reid was the next to speak. ""Yes JJ, why did you suddenly decide to reveal that… she's still alive?" Watching JJ shift uncomfortably, Rossi felt a small amount of pity for her, but it was quickly lost under his anger toward her. At this moment, he couldn't believe that he had thought she was one of the most amazing women out there; that she would do anything so drastic and lie.

"Uh… something happened." Rossi watched her eyes shift nervously to Hotch, who had just looked up from the paper in his lap. He stood and every eye turned to focus on him.

"What happened?" Morgan forced out between his teeth. Hotch let out a weary sigh before he answered.

"A few days ago, Interpol lost contact with Emily. At the same time, they got word that Doyle knew she was alive and gotten hold of information on one of her alias'. They've been trying to find her, but she's completely fallen off the radar. We gave you the letters because one of her demands was that you knew what had happened if things ever became uncertain." No one said anything for a long time.

"You bastard." Rossi was the first to speak and he kept his voice deceptively pleasant. As Hotch turned to look at him with surprise, he stood. "So, you have stood here and lied to our faces for the past eight months and now you suddenly decide to tell us that she's alive, just to tell us that we might never see her again?"

He felt JJ shift behind him, but before she could speak, he turned on her. "No, keep your pretty mouth shut. You had just as big of a part in this as him. Actually, you did even more. So, please, don't say anything. I'm done with this."

Rossi walked to the door and, without turning, he said softly, "Don't bother asking me to help you two. I will do anything to protect her, but I will not help either of you. Morgan, Reid and Garcia, you know where to find me." Then he strode away. As he walked down the hallway to his office, he struggled to keep his nerves in check, but was failing. He could tell this by the looks on the other agents faces' as they hurried out of his way when he passed by.


	5. Aaron Hotchner

_Well, here it is. The end. While I know it doesn't end the way anyone would want, it ties up what needs to be tied. Don't worry, the story will be continued in 'Shattered' which I have yet to publish. But soon! Forever was just a prequel to it and I hope you all tune in. Thanks for sticking with this and reviews are greatly appreciated._

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><p><em>Hotch,<em>

_I'm sorry you had to lie to them._

_~ Emily_

There it was. Just one simple line, completely devoid of any emotion, all he had to show that Emily still recognized his existence. Clipped and formal, it radiated nothing but emptiness, those words only a formality she had felt the need to tell him. Nothing more, nothing less. Hotch couldn't help but feel a bone deep stab of hurt at the cold, professional line. But what was worse was that he knew he deserved a hell of a lot less than what she had given him.

He shouldn't even have been sent anything. Not after what he did; pressuring her into a new, albeit, fake life. Forcing her to become someone she wasn't and leaving her family behind. Leaving them with nothing but a grave stone and a memorial picture on a wall. He had been the one to tell her that she was legally dead and that she couldn't speak to any of the team again. At least, not until things had been cleared up. But time had gone with no sign of Doyle. And shortly after being placed onto a plane headed to the other side of the world, she had given up contact as well.

Morgan's voice yanked him harshly from his thoughts. "JJ, why are you showing us these now?" While thankfully that the question hadn't been directed at him, Hotch felt sorry for the blonde. The former agent had gone through a lot of political and personal issues during the entire ordeal and it was taking its toll on her. He could see it easily through her tough façade, having spent more time than the others with her over the past few months.

"Yes JJ, why did you suddenly decide to reveal that… she's still alive?" Reid cut in, his young voice unusually harsh and angry. Hotch watched sadly as JJ shifted uncomfortably as she took the full brunt of the anger and pain.

"Uh… something happened." When she trailed off, he noted her eyes shooting to meet his, nervousness running rampant through her gaze. With one last glance at the one line on his paper, he set it down and stood.

"What happened?" With a soft sigh, Hotch looked sadly at Morgan, who glared back.

"A few days ago, Interpol lost contact with Emily. At the same time, they got word that Doyle knew she was alive and gotten hold of information on one of her alias'. They've been trying to find her, but she's completely fallen off the radar. We gave you the letters because one of her demands was that you knew what had happened if things ever became uncertain." He replied. The heavy silence echoed through the room.

"You bastard." Rossi was the first to speak and he kept his voice deceptively pleasant. Turning in stunned surprise to his friend, Hotch could only stare at him. ""So, you have stood here and lied to our faces for the past eight months and now you suddenly decide to tell us that she's alive, just to tell us that we might never see her again?" Slowly standing as he spoke, Rossi kept his heated gaze firmly on Hotch's.

As he was about to speak, Rossi's anger was suddenly focused on JJ as she opened her mouth to speak. "No, keep your pretty mouth shut. You had just as big of a part in this as him. Actually, you did even more. So, please, don't say anything. I'm done with this." A rush of fierce protectiveness shot through Hotch as he watched JJ's face fall.

Rossi slowly made his way to the door without a word being said. As he was about to exit, he paused. "Don't bother asking me to help you two. I will do anything to protect her, but I will not help either of you. Morgan, Reid and Garcia, you know where to find me." And he walked away.

Furtive looks passed between the remaining members in the room. As they communicated without words, JJ made her way next to Hotch, stopping short when Garcia pinned her with a look from the opposite side of the room. There was a clout of anger, but mostly pain behind the technical analysis's eyes and it struck JJ deep, knowing that she had truly ruined one of her best friend's faith in her. Morgan and Reid simply didn't look at them.

Before Hotch could speak, the three others stood in synchrony and left without a word, leaving him and JJ standing alone in an empty briefing room. It was official; they had destroyed their family. And now there was nothing they could do to put it back together.

_**THE END**_


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